Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My Greatest Affirmation

     I am the proud owner of a Black Lab that my wife and I rescued from a shelter about a month ago.  He is 10 months old and is a really sweet dog.  We call him Hank.
     When we first brought him home, he was very timid and lethargic for many reasons.  First of all, he was neutered the day before (an important fact to know for later on in this blog entry). For that reason, he was still in a little pain and was probably recovering from anesthesia.  Also, as is common with animals in a shelter, he had a little bit of kennel cough which we treated him for.  Factor that in with the fact that one never knows what a dog from a shelter has been through prior to getting there, he had every reason to be a little scared.  He is now over all of those things and is a fun, sweet puppy.
     The lady who runs the shelter told us, among other things, that even though he was neutered, he still may have "some hormones to get out."  Consequently, we see Hank folding his dog bed in half and trying to have relations with it from time to time.  While this is most amusing,  it is also a habit that we don't want to reinforce because we like our friends and would like to keep them which would be hard to do if they get constantly humped by our sweet, sweet Hank.  If only we could train him to do that to certain family members.......aah, to dream.
     Al of this brings me to last might.  I had come home from a hard day at work.  My wife wasn't feeling well, and I was trying to entertain the dog so that she could rest.  I was sitting on the floor of the TV room in front of the couch.  Hank was in full puppy-play mode, and I was throwing his favorite toy into the next room for him to fetch it and bring it back to me.  This game was beginning to wind down, and I was sprawled out on the floor relaxing.  All of a sudden, Hank starts to climb on top of me which was not too uncommon.  However, I noticed that his front two legs were on either side of my leg.  When I glanced down at him, I noticed that while his front to legs remained stationary, the back half of his body was very rhythmically moving up down on my leg.  I had now become the object of Hank's sexual frustration.  My wife was mortified and screamed for me to not let him do that.  I have to admit that I was caught off guard by this.  How dare he?  Does he not know that I am a happily married man?  Also, I don't know what kind of guy he thinks my Mama raised, but I have way too much self-respect to let anyone just take advantage of me like that.  However, as take aback as I was, I have to admit that I was a little bit flattered.  I just celebrated my 33rd birthday, thus, I am getting older.  I have been married for a year and a half.  However, when Hank's desires came a-calling, he had no choice but to yield to my machismo.  While I couldn't condone his behavior, it was nice to know that I still got it.

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